Top 10 Love Addict Jams of All Time (Part 1)
*written by a messy therapist in recovery
In case there’s any confusion, when I refer to something as a *love addict jam* I’m simply referring to songs that have a flavor of sex and love addiction. The recovery program SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) doesn’t have any theme songs—that I know of—-unless it wants to adopt J.Lo’s number from her first Love Addicts Anonymous meeting in new movie-musical “This is Me… Now.”
This is a hard list to write because there’s a lot to choose from. I would never be so bold as to suggest that these famous artists are sex and love addicts, but hey, it’s cool if they are, too. It’s not my place to label them, and for the sake of this list, it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that these artists know how to write a song about romantic intrigue and emotional turmoil.
Without further ado and in particular order:
Olivia Rodrigo - “bad idea right?”
I feel like it’s almost inappropriate to name Olivia Rodrigo since she won’t have a fully formed brain for another 5-10 years, but alas, this 21 year-old Pisces has already embraced that she can get a little obsessed.
I basically get a contact high when I listen to this song. Olivia senses some undertones in a text from her ex and before you know it, she’s revving herself up, innocent whines turn into yells as she asks:
Seeing you tonight, it's a bad idea, right?
Seeing you tonight, it's a bad idea, right?
Seeing you tonight, it's a bad idea, right?
SEEING YOU TONIGHT-
Finally, she answers herself: Fuck it, it’s fine.
Yessss girl, give in! I mean… wait, no, don’t. Olivia moves from sensing her ex’s undertones to “gettin' in the car, wreckin' all my plans” faster than she can say the serenity prayer, acknowledging: “I know I should stop, but I can't.”
I get you!
Taylor Swift - “Style”
Goddamn it, this is such a good song. Where to start? The idea of Taylor Swift and Harry Styles in a tumultuous push-pull fires my dopamine receptors without any soundtrack, but here you can smell the trouble from the start of the song, a dramatic guitar lead-in before Taylor begins singing about seeing her not-boyfriend/boyfriend for the first time in a while.
And I should just tell you to leave 'cause I
Know exactly where it leads, but I
Watch us go 'round and 'round each time
More! More! More!
And when we go crashing down, we come back every time
'Cause we never go out of style, we never go out of style
Indeed, this is how addiction works. Later on the 1989 album Taylor sings about getting clean from her relationship, where she says “the drought [or withdrawal] was the worst.” (Let’s be honest: Taylor could easily have her own top 10 list and we thank her for that!)
Anyway, sometimes people-drugs do go out of style. Never ketamine.
Post Malone – “Chemical”
This is such a fun bop that it’s easy to overlook how honest (and technical) this song is about love addiction.
Oxytocin makin' it all okay
When I come back down, it doesn't feel the same
Now I'm sittin' 'round, waitin' for the world to end all day
'Cause I couldn't leave you if I tried
Exactly that! Oxytocin is a natural bonding hormone that shows up during sex and love, even a 20-second hug! Fun fact: alcohol, nicotine, and opioids also release oxytocin, easily creating a dependence on substances (and people) to feel this good.
You break me, then I break my rules
Last time was the last time too
It sounds like Post Malone had tried to set some of his own bottom line behaviors, which is SLAA jargon for the boundaries one needs to stay sober. Maybe he responded to his ex’s text without contacting his sponsor first. Maybe he reached out when he was drunk. Maybe he went to her place when they were supposed to hang out safely in public. Despite his tries, he shakily concludes: “I can’t let go. It’s chemical.”
Aw, you can let go, buddy. The chemicals will try to convince you otherwise, but you can do it!
Carly Rae Jepsen - “Too Much”
Let’s jump right in with this Scorpio. She starts the song immediately by posing a curious question:
Am I bad for you?
'Cause I live for the fire, and the rain, and the drama too, boy
I love it. I mean… no, that sounds concerning. As we get to the bridge she alerts us:
'Cause when I get so low, it takes me higher
Once again, a lovely description of how addiction works. We wouldn’t chase those highs if we weren’t desperate to feel better—or to feel anything at all! Carly goes on to sing about how if she’s partying, thinking, feeling, or drinking, she’s doing it too much.
Being a water sign is hard.
Jennifer Lopez - Waiting for Tonight
This list wouldn’t be complete without naming newly out (S)LAA queen, Jennifer Lopez. In this classic 1999 jam, Jenny is building palpable anticipation to have a night with her lover, and in the video, a neon green strobe light party in the jungle.
This won’t just be any old night, as Jennifer sings; she has in fact spent all of her life waiting for this night, which will finally set her free from her prior existence of sadness and tears that [she’s] cried. No pressure!
Gone are the days when the sun used to set
On my empty heart, all alone in my bed
Tossing and turning
Emotions were strong
I knew I had to hold on
Finally, the night to end all of loneliness, once and for all!
As Jenny will uncover over the subsequent decades, tonight can set her free but only temporarily. Ultimately she’ll still have to do that inner-child work with therapist Fat Joe in her movie-musical in order to heal.
Luckily, even when tonight is over, this song (and music video) will be iconic forever.
Stay tuned for the final 5 jams. (Don’t worry, I won’t forget Ariana.) Thanks for reading!